Worthy of Love

"Sometimes I wish I was someone other than me- fighting to make the mirror happy.

Trying to find whatever is missing, won't you help me back to glory.

I want to be beautiful, make you stand in awe, look inside my heart and be amazed.

I want to hear you say who I am is quite enough.

Just want to be worthy of love, and beautiful."

loved

Definition

Impervious: (adj) Incapable of being affected.

Beautiful

Just wanna be worthy of love & beautiful.

Update On My Dad

Lots to say... Where to start?

On Monday, my dog died. I am not so torn up over it because, though he was sweet, I wasn't very attached to him. As a result of his death, my dad went to dig a hole in the back yard yesterday to bury him in. But, I guess when he was digging the hole, he had a heart attack, so he went to the hospital. My sister called me when she was getting to the hospital and let me know what was going on. I asked her to keep me updated- she seemed to think everything was going to be fine.

I didn't hear from her until about an hour later (Around 7:30pm) when she told me he was just getting tests run to see how blocked his arteries are. It turned out that they were all between 60-90% blocked. He coded twice during that time. (Which means his heart stopped twice and they had to resuscitate him.) So, they put a stint in and a temporary pace maker, and they are putting two more stints in later this week.

He is doing okay now. I have talked to him and he just seems real tired. He made me laugh this morning when he said that there is no light like everyone says there is, when you start to die, only darkness. LOL. : ) Way to make light of the situation, dad!

We would all really appreciate your prayers! Thanks so much! : )

Earthquakes in Japan

Finally thinking of someone other than myself.

The earthquakes in Japan are devastating. There have been 5 major earthquakes ranging from 6.0 to 8.9. They have caused tsunami's to sweep across the land at ranging speed. People are dying and its so tragic. Those poor people are facing such utter devastation and they are helpless to it's effects. They cannot talk to the land and waves and ask it for reprieve. Neither of them obey the command of humans. So, those in Japan have no other choice than to face it. And how sad of a reality that it.

I pray for them. I pray that God will give them grace upon grace in relation to injuries, heartache, death, etc. I pray that they will not turn to their gods in this time and assume they are being punished- that they will not turn to falsehood. I pray that they will seek the true God in this and that He will deliver them from this tragedy.

The waves are still moving, and the death toll is rising. The only good news I have heard is that no other country is more prepared for this than Japan.

Prayers and love toward those in Japan.

Reset Button

Sometimes I wish I had a reset button. When I pressed it, it would reset all my emotions and ideas, clearing out all that had been added and leaving only what is essential and basic. I wish I had this restart button so I could forget all of the trouble I've been facing lately and instead look at it as just simple circumstances. All the while knowing what is true- that everything is only momentary and it will all eventually pass. I would know the truth about things and not know my negative reactions to them.

I wish I had a reset button so I could be sane again.

Love

Would you follow me into the dark?

Sylvia and I

I stare at the clock, and the numbers mock me. 2:56am. They snicker at the thought of me being so far away from slumbering sweetly. I breathe in and out quickly. Anxiety at 3am has a strange effect on me. I lay here trying to pinpoint its origin, but I only become more overwhelmed with worries and draw farther away from sleep.

Such has been my routine for the past three nights. The only difference tonight is that I have no one to worry about bothering with my alertness at such an odd hour. My roommate is gone for the night.

I have been laying here reading the journals of Sylvia Plath. She has been my constant companion on sleepless nights. She comforts me by telling me true reality. I find myself time and time again, logging onto Youtube to listen to her read her poems. I recall her voice being powerful. She recites them with such conviction. I fantasize about what it might be like if she were still alive and I got the chance to meet her. I wonder if I would still be as enthralled by her without her claim to suicide. I believe I would be. Reading through her journals- the things that were so very private to her- reveal such intimate detail about who she was. I love her, I think. She is a good friend.

Anyhow... I fear that I shouldn't sleep a wink tonight. I do enjoy being awake, while the rest of the world is asleep, but my body longs for the rest it requires to function. Maybe just a little shut eye... No? As you wish...

Wait up, Sylvia... I'm coming!

The Mind

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